


All the Excuses We Could Give

by LyriaBlackFrost



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Feelings Realization, Fluff, Light-Hearted, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-13 15:49:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: Ryuji and Yusuke spend their last day in Hawaii together, and a brief conversation makes both of them question their feelings for each other.





	All the Excuses We Could Give

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GinMingyi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinMingyi/gifts).

> Happy birthday GinMingyi! I know this is a simple fic, but I figured more RyuKita couldn't hurt... I hope you'll like it. <3

Ryuji could describe his trip to Hawaii in many ways, but never thought _boring_ would make the list, at least until the last day.

It wasn’t surprising that he ended up alone, considering that his usual partners, Akira and Yuuki, were now dating. They had invited Ryuji to come along, but even someone as slow as himself knew they wanted to spend the day on their own. He could have messaged Ann, but… He had the feeling she would have more fun being with the other girls than with him. Ryuji sighed. When he thought about it, he was a pretty boring guy to be around, wasn’t he?

Suddenly exhausted, he lied on the nearest bench, staring at that beautiful blue sky. Alone, even a place like that seemed depressing, and, as ironic as it could be, he caught himself wishing he could be at home, playing games instead.

“Ryuji?”

A hooded figure entered his line of sight, almost making him jolt up.

“Holy shit!” His heart kept pounding even after he realized who that shadow was. “Yusuke… You surprised me, dude! I almost forgot you were here too.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” said Yusuke.

“Nah, it’s fine… My head was just somewhere else.”

Ryuji sat down, moving to the side, gesturing for Yusuke to take a seat. Yusuke did, looking at his face for a while.

“You look troubled,” he observed. “Is something wrong?”

“Not really,” Ryuji shrugged. “Just enjoyin’ my last day in Hawaii. By myself.”

“I suppose we are in the same situation, then.”

Ryuji glanced at him. It wasn’t surprising to see Yusuke on his own, since he had said before that he didn’t have friends at his own school, and that many of the other students avoided him whenever it was possible. Ryuji could understand that feeling, considering how, after that whole Kamoshida ordeal, he went through the same thing. The main difference was that he had been lucky enough to meet Akira and the others. Yusuke, however, despite being part of their team, was still alone in his school. Ryuji would be lying if he said such a thought didn’t bother him.

“Well, you can stick around, if you want to,” he said.

A light smile took Yusuke’s lips.

“I was about to propose the same thing.”

Ryuji answered with a brief laugh, giving him a light tap in the shoulder.

“That solves it, then!” he said. “Things won’t be as depressing with you around.”

Yusuke nodded, then furrowed his brow, considering those words for a moment.

“It’s quite strange, don’t you agree?” he said. “To feel melancholic in such a magnificent place.”

“That’s just how people work,” answered Ryuji. “We don’t like to be alone.”

“Perhaps. I don’t usually mind my solitude, but I suppose everyone craves human interaction from time to time.”

“Yeah, even an art nerd like you.”

“Precisely.”

It was amusing how he didn’t mind that slight provocation in the least. Ryuji smiled to himself.

“You can just talk to me when you feel like that, y’know?” he said. “No need to wait until I ask you out.”

“I know. That’s the reason why I came after you today.”

“Oh… right.”

Ryuji was sure that it had been a coincidence, so the thought that Yusuke had purposefully searched for him was a pleasant surprise.

“Wasn’t expecting to frighten you, though,” added Yusuke.

That observation made Ryuji chuckle.

“C’mon, man… You just appeared outta nowhere.” He reached for Yusuke’s hood, giving it a light, playful pull. “Why are you dressed like this, anyway? You should get some sun while we’re here, it’s good for you.”

“I’m shielding myself, since I didn’t apply sunscreen.”

His words made Ryuji stare at him in disbelief.

“You came to Hawaii without sunscreen?” he asked.

“Unfortunately I couldn’t afford it,” said Yusuke. “Besides, it would be a waste considering how I don’t usually visit places like this.”

“For real, man?” Ryuji sighed, shaking his head. “Okay… Come with me.”

He stood up, and Yusuke followed him with his gaze.

“Where to?”

“My room,” said Ryuji. “I’m not lettin’ you get a sunburn.”

Yusuke nodded, following Ryuji back to his room in the hotel. Ryuji searched the bottle of sunscreen among his belongings.

“Take your shirt off for a minute,” asked Ryuji.

Yusuke did as he said, and Ryuji approached him.

“Gimme your hand.” When Yusuke obeyed, Ryuji placed a generous amount of sunscreen on his palm. “Here, be careful not to miss a spot. I’ll help with your back.”

“My apologies for the inconvenience. And thank you.”

“It’s alright, man,” Ryuji chuckled, placing a small amount of sunscreen on his own hand. “You can just ask me when you need stuff like this.”

“I’ll keep that in mind from now on.”

Ryuji almost could hear the smile on Yusuke’s voice, and it made his chest feel light. As he applied the sunscreen on Yusuke’s back, however, he couldn’t help but notice the small scars on his skin. He didn’t need to think much to know where they came from—he had a bunch of those himself. As silly as it could sound, since they first met Yusuke, while he was still being used by Madarame, Ryuji had this instinctive urge to take care of him. To make sure he’s fine. To stop the world from harming him again.

“Hey…” he said after some time. “I’ll buy you some food later.”

Yusuke looked over his shoulder at him.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Ryuji offered him a smile. “It’s no good to walk around in this hot weather with an empty stomach.

Saying that, he gave Yusuke a light tap on the back.

“All finished here,” he said. “How about you?”

“I’m finished as well.”

“Alright, then.”

Ryuji placed the bottle back in his bag, then turned to Yusuke.

“Come, let’s go back to the beach.”

Without thinking, Ryuji reached for Yusuke’s hand. Maybe he was too used to doing things like that with Akira and Ann, but his brain only realized that he didn’t usually do the same with Yusuke when they were already at the stairs. Instead of moving his hand away, however, Yusuke held it back. Ryuji didn’t know what to do for a moment: it would be weird if he pulled his hand back after that, but going around the beach holding another guy’s hand…

He sighed. _Whatever_… It wasn’t like he was going to see those people again, anyway. Besides, that small gesture was proof that Yusuke liked and trusted him enough to feel comfortable with the proximity. Ryuji liked that thought.

They walked together for a while, then stopped to eat two plates of garlic shrimp. Before they knew it, the sun was already setting, marking the end of that day.

“I wish I had my sketchbook with me,” commented Yusuke, framing the orange sky and ocean between his fingers.

Ryuji observed him, smiling at that now familiar sight.

“Wanna go grab it?” he asked.

To his surprise, Yusuke shook his head, lowering his hands.

“No,” he said, his eyes still on that scenery. “I think I can save this view in my memory. Besides, it’s good to simply appreciate the moment sometimes.”

Ryuji nodded, following Yusuke’s gaze. Even someone who knew nothing about art, like himself, could appreciate the beauty of that view.

“I think I get what you mean,” he said.

They stayed like that for a while, in silence.

“I didn’t think I’d have fun today,” said Ryuji, looking at Yusuke. “Thanks for spending time with me, man.”

Yusuke turned his face to him, a soft smile on his lips.

“There’s no need to thank me for—”

He suddenly stopped talking, the smile disappearing from his face, giving place to an almost surprised look.

“What’s wrong?” asked Ryuji.

“The sunset makes your eyes seem amber-colored.”

Such an artistic observation… Ryuji couldn’t hold back a small giggle.

“Really?” he asked.

“Yes.”

With his gaze still on Ryuji, Yusuke reached for his face, touching it with his fingertips. Ryuji widened his eyes, his body tensing up with the unexpected gesture.

“Yusuke?”

But Yusuke didn’t say anything else, his mind seeming far away as he contoured Ryuji’s cheek and chin with his fingers. Ryuji was used to physical contact with people close to him, but there was something in that light touch and Yusuke’s expression that made his heart twitch in his chest. Yusuke’s fingers slowly went up to his lips, and, with the surprise, Ryuji placed his hand on Yusuke’s, moving it away.

“Hey…” he said, averting his gaze. “This is a little—”

“I want to kiss you.”

Those words made Ryuji stare at Yusuke again.

“You… what?”

In a second, Yusuke seemed to come back from his daze, staring back at Ryuji with a lost expression. He then pulled his hand away, lowering his eyes.

“My apologies…” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to say that aloud.”

Ryuji opened his mouth but nothing came out of it, his mind still making an effort to process those words. Yusuke stood up, not looking at him.

“I should go back to my room,” he said.

That was what finally made Ryuji’s brain work again, and he stood up as well, holding Yusuke’s arm.

“You can’t be serious!” he said. “Don’t just leave me here after saying somethin’ like…”

As if the meaning of Yusuke’s words had finally gotten to him, Ryuji felt his stomach turn, a warm feeling creeping up his neck and cheeks. Yusuke kept his gaze away from him. It… couldn’t be _that_, right?

“Yusuke…” said Ryuji in a low voice. “Is there any chance that you… like me?”

“No… That’s not how it is.” Yusuke sighed, shaking his head. “Forgive me, I’m confused as well.”

Ryuji was relieved to hear that, but, at the same time, there was a heavy feeling at the bottom of his stomach, which he chose to ignore for the time being.

“So, you… uh… like guys?” he asked with a brief gesture. “Like, in general?”

Yusuke took a moment to answer.

“Possibly,” he said.

“Ah, right.”

It was easy to tell that Yusuke was uncomfortable with that subject, so Ryuji let go of his arm, giving him some space. However, Yusuke seemed to interpret that gesture wrong, flinching slightly.

“My apologies,” he muttered.

Ryuji instinctively got closer to him, placing a hand on his back, rubbing it in a comforting manner.

“C’mon, man… It’s fine,” he said, offering Yusuke a smile. “Akira and Yuuki are together too, remember? None of us is gonna judge you for somethin’ like this.”

Yusuke risked an uneasy glance at him.

“How about you?” he asked.

“What?”

“Does this bother you?”

Ryuji furrowed his brow.

“Dude…” he said. “I just said two of my best friends are fuckin’ gay for each other. It’d be kinda weird if it started to bother me now.”

“I suppose that’s true…”

Yusuke sighed, his body starting to relax.

“But it’s a relief to hear you say it,” he added.

“You weirdo…”

Ryuji chuckled, but Yusuke still seemed concerned about the situation.

“Ryuji…” he hesitated a little before proceeding. “Will we still spend time together after this?”

“Don’t be stupid,” answered Ryuji, giving his back a light tap. “I told you everythin’ is fine, so stop worryin’ about that, already.” He offered Yusuke a wide smile. “Let’s just enjoy our last day in this place while we can, okay?”

Yusuke lowered his eyes, silent for a second. Then, he looked at Ryuji again, returning his smile.

“You’re right,” he said.

Neither of them touched that subject again for the rest of that day, spending their final hours in Hawaii in a pleasant manner, chatting while walking by the border of the ocean, side by side.

However, it would be a lie if Ryuji said what happened had completely left his mind. Even if Yusuke didn’t actually _like _him, it didn’t change the fact that, for a moment, he still considered kissing him.

Honestly, he didn’t know how to feel about that.

* * *

On the next day, they were back to Japan and their usual lives as students and Phantom Thieves. It would be nice if Ryuji could say things were exactly how they used to, but after that conversation he shared with Yusuke, his mind had been constantly full. Not that the fact that Yusuke liked guys bothered him—as he had said, that would make no sense. However, it was impossible to forget Yusuke’s expression as he looked into Ryuji’s eyes, and his low voice when he said he wanted to kiss him.

Those thoughts kept Ryuji awake during their last night in Hawaii, and during a great part of the next night as well. On the third day, he gave up on trying to ignore them, and did what he could to face the situation.

He knew that Yusuke liked guys. He knew that, for a moment, Yusuke wanted to kiss him. He knew that he was disappointed when Yusuke said he didn’t actually _like _him. He knew he had, more than once, he had imagined how things would have been if he hadn’t interrupted Yusuke and allow that kiss to happen. He knew he didn’t dislike that thought—if anything, the idea filled his chest with an unfamiliar euphoria that he couldn’t ignore.

Ryuji tried to avoid the obvious conclusion as much as he could, but when he looked at all the facts side by side, it was difficult to deny that _he_ was the one who seemed to have feelings for Yusuke.

Admitting it to himself was the most difficult part, but as he thought more and more about it, everything seemed to fall into place. It was true that he cared about Akira, Ann, and all of his friends, but things were different when it came to Yusuke, in a way it was difficult to explain. In the beginning, Ryuji interpreted it as empathy, considering the similar pain they had to endure for so long. Still, when he paid more attention to it, things weren’t as simple as he thought, were they?

The way he treated Yusuke, and how he used every excuse possible to spend time with him, like visiting his dormitory after class for whatever reason he could think of, only to make sure he wasn’t alone after Madarame’s arrest; how Ryuji bought food for him whenever he had the chance, and accompanied him to whatever place he thought would serve as inspiration for his art, even when it wasn’t a place he would want to visit otherwise…

How they always fought side by side on the Metaverse, trusting each other to watch their backs; how happy he was when Yusuke came to him when he felt the need to talk about Madarame and everything that man did to him, and how listening to him made Ryuji wish he could keep Yusuke from hurting ever again. How Ryuji, who knew next to nothing about art, suddenly caught himself researching the things Yusuke mentioned in their conversations, because he wanted to, somehow, be part of something that was so important to him.

Ryuji’s heart clenched as all those pieces came together in his mind. He _liked_ Yusuke, didn’t he? Not only as a friend, but as something other than that too.

He spent a long while thinking about what to do. Part of him even considered calling Akira for help, but he realized at the last minute that doing so would also mean talking about his conversation with Yusuke—he knew Akira would be the last person to judge Yusuke’s sexuality, but it still felt wrong to be the one telling him something so personal.

Maybe the best solution was to talk to Yusuke himself. The idea was _terrifying_, but was there any better option? Besides, Yusuke had said something about having no money during the trip, right? Was he even eating properly?

Ryuji groaned in defeat, knowing that, for one reason or another, Yusuke wouldn’t leave his mind so soon. He reached for his phone, starting to type a quick message.

**Ryuji: Hey, man…**

**Ryuji: Wanna go grab some beef bowls after class tomorrow?**

It didn’t take more than a few seconds for Yusuke to respond.

_ **Yusuke: Of course.** _

** _Yusuke: Shall I meet you at the Shibuya station, as usual?”_ **

Ryuji confirmed, then wished him a good night. Like in the previous nights, it took him a long while to fall asleep, but this time, instead of thinking about what could have happened in Hawaii, he was haunted by the many ways things could go completely wrong on the next day.

* * *

They met at Shibuya, as combined. After a long night of pondering and rehearsing his own words, Ryuji decided to touch that subject after their meal. That way, even if things went south, at least Yusuke wouldn’t be starving.

Or at least that was what he told himself. When both of them had already emptied their bowls, he still hadn’t gathered the courage to talk about it. Instead, he questioned Yusuke if he had been taking proper care of himself, and if the trip had given any ideas for his art.

Ryuji hated to admit it, but he was grabbing any opportunity to avoid saying what he _knew_ he had to. When his list of questions finally ended, he simply walked in silence beside Yusuke, listening as he talked about his ideas for his next projects. They sat side by side on a bench, and by that point, Ryuji had already given up on gathering the courage to speak. That was part of the reason why Yusuke’s following words caught him by surprise.

“I want to talk about what happened during our trip to Hawaii.”

Ryuji looked at him, feeling his stomach turn.

“You mean the talk we had?” he asked.

“Precisely.”

That confirmation only made the anxiety grow inside his chest, spreading throughout his whole body. Ryuji did what he could to keep it hidden behind a smiling face.

“Go ahead,” he said.

Yusuke nodded but took a while to proceed, as if considering his own words. He took a deep breath before speaking.

“When I said I liked men, I might have lied to you.”

That phrase felt like a punch to Ryuji’s guts, and whatever little hope he had that things could work out for them, seemed to crumble at that very moment. Unaware of his feelings, Yusuke continued.

“Men and women…” He thought for a moment. “Actually, people in general. They don’t appeal to me more than on an aesthetic level. Things like romance never interested me outside of art, so I never considered how it would feel to be infatuated with someone.”

“Ah, I see.”

Ryuji tried to come up with something supportive to say, on the lines of “you don’t need to be with someone else to be happy”. Before he could, however, Yusuke looked at him, and something in his soft expression made the words dissolve in Ryuji’s mouth.

“I didn’t feel like that about you either,” proceeded Yusuke. “But then you asked me out, over and over. You visited me in my dormitory, brought me food, took me to places I never visited before…” he smiled. “Despite my eccentricities, you still seemed to enjoy my company, in a way no one else seemed to. I saw myself growing more attached to the time we spent together each day, but I assumed the reason was because I never had a close friend such as you before.”

He made a pause, lowering his eyes to Ryuji’s hand, before placing his own over it.

“I didn’t realize my own feelings until that day, on that beach,” he said.

Ryuji’s hope, so close to its death, suddenly started to float again. He took a sharp breath, trying to keep his expectations low.

“What are you talkin’ about?” he asked.

“I can’t explain it,” admitted Yusuke. “At that moment, I realized something was off. That I didn’t see you the way I used to.” He absentmindedly squeezed Ryuji’s hand a little. “When you asked me if I liked you, I simply had no answer. I don’t think I would be lying if I answered ‘no’ before that day, but, at that moment, it didn’t feel like an honest response.”

He looked into Ryuji’s eyes again, placing his other hand over Ryuji’s, holding it between his two, before pressing it against his chest.

“It took me too long to understand what it all actually meant,” he proceeded, “but I believe I finally know. I’m aware of how bad I am with expressing my emotions through words, or anything unrelated to art, but I want you to know that I have feelings for you.”

Ryuji just looked at him in silence for a while, needing a moment to let all those words sink in.

“Just to make sure I got it right…” he said in a low voice. “When you say feelings, you mean…?”

“I’m interested in seeking a romantic relationship with you.”

That honest answer left him unable to react. There were suddenly too many things in his mind, and he was unable to focus on any of them. His silence made a shadow of concern cover Yusuke’s face.

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” he asked, letting go of Ryuji’s hand.

Without thinking, Ryuji reached for Yusuke’s hands again, grabbing them.

“No!” His answer was almost a yell. Slightly embarrassed, he proceeded in a lower voice. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable. I was just… surprised.”

Yusuke observed him, the concern giving place to expectancy.

“Is there any chance you might return my feelings?” he asked.

Unsure of how to answer, Ryuji nodded, squeezing Yusuke’s hands.

“To be honest, I’m really happy to hear that,” he admitted.

“Is that so?”

The tiny smile on Yusuke’s lips made Ryuji relax a little, his mind clearing enough for him to find a proper answer.

“You’re not the only one who’s been thinkin’ about this stuff since that day,” he said. “But I didn’t expect you to fall for me, from all people. I really thought you were just… I dunno, confused.”

“I truly was, at the moment,” admitted Yusuke. “I couldn’t tell the difference between my fondness for you and what it meant to like someone romantically. But I had enough time to think about it and come to this conclusion.”

He leaned slightly in Ryuji’s direction.

“I truly like you,” he said in a low voice. “I like you more each day I spend beside you. I can’t say for sure, since I have no experience with such feelings, but part of me believes I’m already in love with you.”

That declaration, as well as having Yusuke’s face so close to his, made Ryuji let out a nervous laugh, averting his gaze.

“I had no idea you felt like that,” he said.

“It didn’t feel right to tell you before I could understand it myself.”

“I know what you mean.” Ryuji let out a small sigh. “Not gonna lie, though… I’m still pretty confused myself. But I know that what I feel for you is different from what I feel for Aki, or Ann, or the others. And I like the idea of being with you, so…”

Ryuji wasn’t sure where he was going with that line of thought, but before he could say anything else, Yusuke took one of Ryuji’s hands to his lips, kissing it.

“I suppose we have no choice but to seek the answers together,” he muttered, his lips still brushing against his skin.

He didn’t know how Yusuke could say those embarrassing things in such a natural way… Ryuji made an effort to keep talking before he became too flustered to function.

“I just hope I won’t mess this up,” he said. “Everyone always told me I’d be a shitty boyfriend…” He stopped talking, furrowing his brow. “Wait… We’re not even going out yet, are we? Am I gettin’ ahead of myself?”

To his surprise, his words made a small chuckle escape Yusuke’s lips.

“I believe we have been going out for quite a while now,” he said, “just not in a romantic way.”

When he put things that way, it was hard to deny it.

“Yeah…” he admitted. “Still… Do you wanna go out someday? I mean, like… On an actual date, and stuff…”

“Sounds perfect to me.”

It was funny… Despite knowing that Yusuke liked him as well, that answer was enough to fill his heart with giddiness. Ryuji couldn’t hold back a wide smile.

“Great!” he said. “Think of a place you wanna visit, and we can go there together.”

“I already have a few in mind.”

“You already made plans?”

“I barely had any sleep on the last few days,” admitted Yusuke. “I became too excited with the possibility that you would return my feelings.”

The terrible thoughts and the certainty that he would be rejected flashed in Ryuji’s mind for a second, and he wondered if he was the one always expecting the worst out of everything, or if Yusuke was simply _that_ optimistic. Judging by the result, Ryuji could already guess the answer.

“Shall I share my suggestions with you?” asked Yusuke, bringing him back to the present.

“Yeah,” said Ryuji, to then consider his answer. “But, before that…”

He leaned in Yusuke’s direction, looking into his eyes with a slight grin.

“You can kiss me, if you still want to,” he muttered.

Despite everything he had said before, those words were what finally made Yusuke seem flustered. He looked at Ryuji for a while, seeming unsure of what to do, then placed a hand on his chin, tilting his head upwards.

“Then, if you’ll excuse me…” he said.

His stiff response almost made Ryuji laugh.

“Don’t be so formal about it,” he asked.

“My apologies.”

This time, Ryuji couldn’t hold back a giggle. It was so _Yusuke_ to say whatever embarrassing things that came into his mind, only to freeze before a kiss minutes later.

“What a nerd…” Ryuji muttered.

He reached for the back of Yusuke’s head, allowing his fingers to sink into his smooth hair as he gently pulled him in his direction, closing his eyes before their lips finally met. Yusuke’s tense body slowly relaxed next to him, and he cupped Ryuji’s face with both hands, slowly caressing his cheek with his thumb.

Ryuji smiled to himself, without breaking that kiss. Yusuke’s warmth, as well as his silent trust and affection, were the same as always…

And yet, at that moment, they felt like something completely new.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
